How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of Morrison's store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, son, can you tell me where the post office is? The little boy replied, sure! Just go straight down this street and at the end turn to your right. The man thanked the boy kindly and said, I'm the new minister in town. I'd like for you to come to Church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to heaven. The little boy replied with a chuckle. Awww, come on! You don't even know the way to the ********ing post office!!..

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I was listening to the radio this morning when the Host invited callers to reveal the nick-names they had for their wives.
The best call was from a brave chap who called his wife, Harvey Norman."
The Host asked him why that name?
He replied: "Absolutely no interest for 36 months."

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What a horrible way to die
Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, “Did your hear the news – Mike is dead??!!!”
“Woah, what the hell happened to him?”
“Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn’t brake properly and boom – He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof – Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window.”
“What a horrible way to die!”
“No no, he survived that, that didn’t kill him at all. So, he landed in my upstairs bedroom and he’s all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He’s just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones.”
“What a way to go, that’s terrible!”
“No no, that didn’t kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him.”
“Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!”
“No no, that didn’t kill him, he even survived that. So he’s on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him.”
“Man, what a way to go!”
“No no, he survived that, he survived that! He’s lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn’t mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him.”
“Now that is one awful way to go!”
“No no, he survived that…”
“Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?”
“I shot him!”
“You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?”
“He was wrecking my darn house.”

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling up or is it just a man thing?..

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I couldn't find that thing that peels the potatoes and carrots. so I ask the kids if they had seen it. Apparently she left me yesterday!!..

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Went to Subway today & decided to get a 12 inch sub to share it with my partner he said he didn't want any .... I said oh come on it's only 6 inches

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They say that sex is the best form of exercise..? Correct me if i'm wrong,but i don't think 1minute and 15 secs every 3months,is going to shift this Beer Belly!!..

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Do this test to see if u have a gay streak. Do it quickly and go on your first answer..............
1) Think of a country beginning with D.
2) Take the second letter of that country and think of an animal
.3) Think of the colour of that animal.
As long as you weren't thinking of a grey elephant from Denmark, your straight!!..