How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.

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How come you can't keep an erection these days?" Asked the wife, after another unsuccessful attempt at a shag.
"I'm sorry love, it's not my fault." I told her, "It's the mirror."
"Really?" She said, disbelievingly. "The mirror??"
"Yeah." I replied. "Go and have a look in it."

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On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me, If you ever come close to me, I'll feckin skin you. When we're sleeping, you don't feckin touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me, either. Feckin great, I thought, First day in here and I'm already married!!..

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My penis is a lot like my toaster.
It won't pop up if the crumpet is too fat

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The conductor of my wife's lie detector test revealed that my wife had been unfaithful.
"How reliable are these results?" I asked him.
"Very," he replied. "She sucked me off in the car park earlier."

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Everyday I have girls come up to
me and tell me what they want.
I pull out my 12 incher, warm it
up, wrap that f@rker up and give
it to them just how they want it, it
fills them right up and they
always leave satisfied.
I love working in Subway...

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It's not working!" I said to my wife. "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
"F@rk off !" she snapped. "I knew it was a mistake bringing you to the hospital to see my mum on her life support!!..

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The Trouser Snake is the world's most dangerous snake. Color varies from pink to black. It's fangless, average length 5 - 6 inches (although some are said to reach 8 inches depending on honesty of it's owner) it appears usually in bedrooms attacking women in the mouth or lower abdominal area. It's highly venomous spit can cause swelling lasting 9 months! Some mutant species have also been known to attack men from behind!..