How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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I got robbed at the Fuel station today.....
When the police asked if I knew who did it, I said "pump 3"

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Alsatian walks into the vets and there's a bulldog with his head hanging. "Wow, what's a matter with you, you don't look happy" says the Alsatian. "I was lying in the garden, says the bulldog, enjoying the sunshine and the little boy came and hit me on the head with a plastic spade. Instinctively I jumped up and bit him. I think they are have me put down" "Oh" says the Alsatian " that's sounds bad" "What about you" says the bulldog. "Well, says the Alsatian, "look at my owner, gorgeous eh ?. I have the run of the house and I was lying on the bed when she came in dripping wet from a shower. She bent over and I thought......yea...... so i gave her one" "Wow, says the bulldog, "your being put down too" "No says the Alsatian, "I'm in to have my nails cut".

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A new Australian cricket Oxo cube is about to be introduced. It'll be called "Laughing Stock"

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I was telling my son that when I was young, you had to unplug the internet if you wanted to use the landline.
"What?!" he exclaimed.
"I know," I said. "You couldn't use both at once."
"No, what's a landline?..

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A man walked in to a bar and said, "I'll have a pint of less, please."
"Less?" the barman replies, "what's that?"
"I don't know either," the man said, "but my doctor told me to drink less!!..

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Two scousers are on holiday in Amsterdam and visit a brothel.
"Have you got a fat, ginger bird with no teeth, a heroin addiction and a minge like a vandalised bus seat?" they ask.
"You boys are really kinky," says the madam.
"Are we f@rk!" they reply. "We're looking for our mum!!..

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Mary Mary Quite Contrary, How Does Your Garden Grow?? I Live In A Flat, You Feckin Tw@t, How Am I Supposed To Know!!..

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A man attempted to rob a Bank of America located in San Francisco. He walked into the branch and wrote, ‘this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag’.
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest tool in the box, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, ‘OK,’ and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of America.