How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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The guy to convince the first blind man he needed sunglasses must have been one hell of a salesman.

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A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.She was afraid she might have something wrong with her.She decided to seek the advice of the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, OK, take off all you crose. The woman did as she was told. Now, get down and craw reery ,reery fass to odder side of room. Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said " OK. now craw reery, reery fass back to me. So she did. Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said Your probrem vely bad. You haf Ed Zachery Disease. Worse case i ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates. " Worried, the woman asked anxiously. " Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary disease ?." Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and said, "Ed Zachary disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your arse."

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A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'
The minister fainted..

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Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the
judge said Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."

Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's
f*%#ing Goofy."

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A woman goes to docs & says "doc im really worried iv been taking steroids & seem to have grown a penis" doc says "anabolic?"
woman says "no just a penis!!..

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Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.
"You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
"No, I crap every morning at 6:30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30.
So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00!!..

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Mary Mary Quite Contrary, How Does Your Garden Grow?? I Live In A Flat, You Feckin Tw@t, How Am I Supposed To Know!!..

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An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."